


How I face-planted into an idol and landed head over ass into a romance novel...

by Mii2_L



Category: No Fandom
Genre: Accidental Relationship, Idols, M/M, Sex, kpop, nerdy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 09:48:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24847810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mii2_L/pseuds/Mii2_L
Summary: As Zed is running across the airport to the new gate assigned to his flight he collides with idol Tae Huyn member of AE-5, resulting in a concussion and a hospital stay. Knocked out for four days in the middle of a pandemic, he finds himself stuck in Korea under the guardianship of AE-5's leader, Song Gi. At first annoyed with his situation, Zed finds that maybe it might not be as bad as he thought.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter 1

As I hurried down the airport hallway, checking my phone and trying to figure out what my new gate was, I completely missed the man coming towards me. How was that possible? I will never understand as he was walking with five other people, security guards and a crowd of fans. But that’s so typical of me. I hate crowds, specifically at airports, so I wear noise-cancelling headphones as soon as I step out of the house when I travel and only turn them off when I arrive at my destination. Also, I am one of the clumsiest people on the planet, an accident magnet. My friends call me absent-minded and laugh at me whenever I arrive late, knowing full well I will have some stupid story to tell.

So here I am, looking down, entirely unaware of the storm coming towards me. Off I go, colliding at full speed with someone. If that had been the end of it, it would have been alright. But my life cannot be this simple. The other person tried to grab onto me. You see, to fight my clumsiness and as a way to relieve stress, I’ve been training in full-contact karate and jiujitsu for years. So before I even realized it, I was sending them to the floor with a shoulder throw. I have bad luck too. As soon as I finished my move before I had a chance to get reoriented, 200 pounds of solid muscle slammed into me and sent me flying down a flight of stairs. Well, at least that’s how I was told it happened because I have no memory of it. 

All I remember is waking up in a hospital room full of people speaking Korean. I was visiting Korea for work and trying to find my way to my outbound flight when I got hurt. I never made it. As I opened my eyes, the room went quiet. 

_“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. What the fuck is going on.”_

I didn’t realize I was speaking out loud and heard someone in the room snicker. I sat bolt upright. I shouldn’t have. The room started spinning so fast a wave of nausea struck me and sent me retching. I put my head down between my knees and hoped it would stop, trying to keep the dry heaves at bay while keeping my eyes close. After a while, I was finally able to speak.

_“Get out of my room. I do not have enough energy to try to speak Korean right now, so if one of you can speak English, stay and explain. Everyone else, get out! I feel like shit, but I’ll bear it to kick you out myself.”_

I heard someone repeat my words in Korean. I can understand more than I can speak. Slowly people filed out of the room. My eyes were still closed, and I concentrated on keeping nausea at bay. My head was pounding. It was not a good day. Someone shifted and sit down beside the bed. Probably the one who spoke to the others. 

_“You understood me. I assume you can speak English. So explain, now!"_

I was feeling pretty bitchy by now.

_“You ran into Tae Huyn. Our security took you for a crazy fan and pushed you away. Unfortunately, they didn’t see the stairs behind you, and you fell. You have a concussion, and your right forearm is broken.”_

_“Thank you. You can go now. I have to rebook my flight and go home."_

_“Errmm, unfortunately, since your injuries are our fault and you were unconscious, I took responsibility. I am now your guardian.”_

_“Well, thank you for your service, but you are no longer needed.”_

_“You do not understand. I am the only one who can get you out of here. Also, while you slept, the Covid-19 pandemic worsened. There are currently no more flights out of the country.”_

_“What the f…. Asleep? What do you mean? How long was I out?”_

_“Four days.”_

_“Son of a bitch!”_

_“Do you usually swear this much, or is it just because you are not feeling well?”_

_“It’s genetic. Now, can you give me my phone? I need to talk to people and the embassy so I can get the fuck out of here.”_

That comment got me a chuckle from the unseen person. He had a lovely voice. 

_“I have spoken with your embassy and with the doctors already. The embassy asked us to take care of you. They currently cannot because of health restrictions. I also spoke with your doctors, and you are not allowed to fly or do anything strenuous for the next month. I have organized for you to move in with us when you are allowed to leave the hospital. It will simplify matters for me as I am required to be with you while you are hospitalized. Moreover, if our fans find out where you are, it will become a problem since you hurt one of us.”_

_“Wait! what?”_

I was finally not feeling dizzy anymore and very slowly lifted my head but kept my eyes closed. A pair of hands started fussing around me. The back of my bed moved so I could lean back more comfortably. I opened my eyes and finally saw my interlocutor. Did I already mention I have back luck? Well, I do, because I found myself in front of a Kpop singer. Suddenly, the security, the tackle and the crazy fans all made sense. I had face-planted into a freaking idol. As if my life wasn’t complicated enough!

_“You have to stay in the hospital until they are sure everything is fine with your head since you were in a coma for four days. However, because of our fans, it will be difficult to keep you here or in a hotel until you are fully recovered. So, as soon as you are allowed, you will move into our dorm. It will allow us to care for you and preserve your privacy.”_

All I could come up with after this tirade was:

_"Huh, what?”_

_“The doctor said your cognitive function is fine, but it seems that you have difficulty understanding me. Do you need me to repeat what I said?”_

_“Fuck off! I admit “what” wasn’t the most original answer, but that’s all I could muster. I don’t want to move in with you, I don’t need a damn guardian, and I have a plane to catch. Give me my phone.”_

_“I will call the doctors if you’d like to hear it from them, but I can guarantee that they will not let you go anywhere.”_

_“Argh. I need my headphones, my phone and my laptop. I have work to do, emails to send, and people to keep up to date.”_

_“Hmmm, I will have to disappoint you again. You are not allowed any screen time at the moment. I have your phone, and thankfully your laptop survived the fall, but your headphones got damaged.”_

I suddenly start hyperventilating at that last sentence. I am a little neuro atypical, so when I get stressed, I need to remove all stimuli. This is not good. I concentrate on my breathing and close my eyes.

_“Are you alright?”_

I cannot answer yet, so I close my eyes and breathe. I feel his hand grab mine and start rubbing the spot between my thumb and my index finger. My breathing slows down as the pressure on my hand calms me. How did this person know to do this?

_“Thank you,"_ I said _. “I am alright now. I use my headphones in times of stress, and this is a bit stressful.”_

_“I understand. My little brother is like that too, and this is what I do when he needs help."_

Well, that explains it. I feel calmer and open my eyes.

_“So, now what? I am your prisoner. I cannot call my friends or my work to let them know what is going on. I have no control over my care and must rely on the strangers who put me in a coma to take care of me.”_

_“There is no need to be petulant and overly dramatic. You did send one of our members flying and sprained his shoulder. He has forgiven you already. We didn’t have to step in and help you, but we knew how much of a nightmare it would be as a foreigner to navigate our healthcare system without help. So, I know today has been trying, but could you please get over yourself?”_

Ouch. I was being an ass. Shit. I am not usually this petty. I closed my eyes and sighed. I had a quick inner dialogue and admonished my inner self for my behaviour. Don’t judge me, that’s how I solve my problems. I opened my eyes and looked at him. Gosh! He was handsome. I sighed again.

_“You’re right, I apologize. Thank you for caring for me. That is very kind, but you can just send me to some hotel until I feel better.”_

_“That is not possible. I take my responsibility to you seriously. With the ongoing situation, I am not sure we could find anywhere for you to stay. Moreover, if any of our fans discover who and where you are, it will be a nightmare for us. It is simpler and more efficient to do this. We can disguise you as one of our entourage or something. The three youngest, one of whom you maimed, are so excited about learning the move you used, we are worried they will try it on each other. As repayment for our kindness, you can teach them how to do it safely. You have no choice.”_

He smiled, arched an eyebrow and looked at me. I discovered I was wrong. He is not handsome, he is absolutely beautiful. My train of thought, already wobbly came to a full stop. There is no way I could have continued arguing.

_“Fine. I’ll follow along for now. I will need an internet connection so I can teach my classes and get some replacement headphones. I would greatly appreciate your help in dealing with that.”_

_“Great, I am glad to see you have come to your senses. The doctor will be by soon. I will help you with emails and everything else afterwards.”_

_“Don’t you have someone on staff who can do that?”_

_“No. You are my responsibility. Now, the others are curious about you. If you are not too tired, may I call them back in for a quick introduction? I promise it won’t be more than ten minutes, as the doctor told us.”_

_“Sure. Why not? Who are you anyway?”_

_“We’re AE-5.”_

_“WHAT THE FUCK!!!!?”_

I screamed as the rest of the group came back in and stared at me. I do not really follow Kpop, but I’d have to live under a rock not to know that name. One by one, they introduced themselves. I greeted each one back, feeling silly and apologizing for swearing. The three youngest are Jin Woo, Tae Huyn, Min Kyung. The one who was talking to me is the oldest, Song Gi. The last two members are Jae Sun and Chin Ho. The youngest ones stared at me like I was some hilarious exotic animal. The rest wore slightly disapproving expressions. I guess that was fair as I hurt one of them. Why is my life so complicated!

_“URRGHH shit!”_

I didn’t realize I spoke out loud until they all stopped and stared at me

_“Sorry, I think I am getting tired, and my head is hurting again. Thank you for rescuing and taking care of me. I am afraid I will be a burden for you all, but I will work hard to find a solution and not impose on you longer than necessary.”_

A few of them nodded and waved. Song Gi turned to them and told them in Korean that it was time to go and that he would meet them later. 

_“No, no, you can leave with them. If I need anything, I’ll call a nurse. My brain works well enough for basic Korean. You do not need to stay”_

_“No.”_

_“Oy! I am fine. I will just be sleeping and resting and behaving. Please, go home.”_

One of the older ones, Jae Sun I think, looked at me and said in English,

_“He has not left hospital four days, he not leave now that you are awake."_

What? I turned towards him.

_“You did what? I was in a coma! Why did you stay here? And I’m not asleep now. I’m fine. I can take care of myself!”_

Tae Hyun burst out laughing and mumbled something I didn’t understand but eventually pointed at his arm in a sling and said in English.

_“Yes, we know."_

Urgh.. here is an apology I forgot to give.

_“I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’ve had to learn to defend myself, and you surprised me. I’m sorry I forgot to apologize. I’m not usually this rude”_

He smiled and shook his head, making a dismissive gesture with his good hand. I guess I was forgiven. At least some of them were ok with me. Urgh. This next month is going to be extra long. Thankfully I have a semester to finish and work to do. At least I can concentrate on… Ouch. The throbbing in my head intensified. I raised my hand, rubbing my temple.

_“You are as white as death. You need to rest. Guys, it’s time to go. I’ll see you later. Keep me posted on everything.”_

He suddenly turned back to me and with a tone cutting all discussion short.

_“I will ask for porridge and your medication, and you will sleep”_

_“I already slept for four days, I have banked enough to stay awake for a week”_

I heard some snickering as the others were heading out, which got me a dark look from Mother Song Gi. But I did feel exhausted, so I rested back on the pillows and closed my eyes, intending to do so only for a minute. I woke up to semi-darkness, wondering again where I was for a few seconds. I got startled by movement on my left and recognized Song Gi as he came towards me. This wasn’t a dream. Oh dang!

_“How are you feeling?”_

_“I’m ok. How many days have passed this time?”_ He smiled _._

_“Just a few hours. The doctors told me you would be sleeping a lot in the beginning and that it is good for healing. You fell asleep so fast I didn’t have time to give you food or medicine."_

_“I’m sorry. Truly, I can take care of myself. You don’t need to play nursemaid."_

_“It is no bother. I have taken care of people before. I promise I will do a decent job.”_

_“Urgh, I don’t doubt it. You seem tyrannical enough for that. I just don’t want to be a bother. You have stuff to do and places to be. This is unnecessary.”_

_“Nonsense. You are my responsibility. Most of our engagements have been cancelled anyway. I can take some time off. I’ll practice with the others and catch up later when you feel better. It is more important that you stop agitating yourself so that you heal faster and that we can move you out of here. This is what will actually make my life easier. ”_ He said that last sentence pointedly _._

_“Fine, I get it. I’ll behave.”_

I said this with a pout. What can I say? I feel more childish when I don’t feel well. Sue me.

_“I told you the truth. If you want to be less inconvenient, stop fighting me, rest and behave.”_

A smile danced on his lips.

_“Yes, mom.”_ I tried not to pout this time without a lot of success. He laughed again.

_“Would you like some food? Since you missed multiple meals, you must be hungry.”_

As he said this, I realized I was starving. 

_“Yes, thank you. You mentioned porridge earlier. That would be perfect, or anything else convenient. I am not picky.”_

_“Great, I got some earlier. Here.”_

He passed me a thermos container and a spoon and raised the bed so I would be sitting up. I’ll have to remember to move slowly from now on as I didn’t feel nauseated this time. I ate everything he offered me, drank a big glass of water with my meds and suddenly felt like I ran a marathon.

_“I think that is enough exercise for today.”_

He said, reading my mind.

_“Yes, as you can see, I’m a true athlete.”_

He laughed.

_“Do you want to stay seated, or do you want to lie back down?”_

_“Maybe just a little bit down. I’m not sleepy, but since I am not allowed any screen time, I was wondering if I can ask for your help.”_

_“My help? I see you have decided to be good.”_

Well, that lasted about two seconds because I instantly stuck my tongue out at him and made a rude sound. He laughed harder.

_“Alright, I’ll stop teasing you. What can I do for you?”_

_“I need to let some people know what happened. If I tell you the code of my phone, could you write some emails for me? I do not dare call people. I am pretty sure it is the middle of the night back in Canada.”_

_“Yes, of course. And yes, it is about 3 or 4 in the morning there.”_

We spent the next hour sending some emails to work, my students, the friend who was pet sitting for me and a few others like the adopted family members I have who would worry about my disappearing for a month. The list wasn’t very long, but by the time we were done, I was exhausted.

_“You look tired again. You should rest. I have some writing to do. I’ll be sitting on the couch. Call if you need anything.”_

I don’t think he had time to reach the couch before I fell asleep. I woke up disoriented. It seems to have become my new normal. I had no idea what time it was, but it was dark. I needed to pee. I remembered to sit up slowly and swung my legs over the side of the bed. I’m relatively tall, but the bed was raised way up. I felt unsteady enough but nature’s call was pressing, so I slid down the side of the bed and would have fallen without a pair of strong arms and a very solid chest holding me back. 

_“Why didn’t you ask me to come and help you?"_

_“I’m sorry. I didn’t think about it. My brain is a bit scrambled, you know.”_

He was amused and I felt suddenly shy for no reason.

_“And I kinda need to go to the bathroom. It’s not the type of glamorous task one wants to ask a stranger to help with."_

_“Unfortunately, you don’t have a choice. I can call a nurse if you’d prefer, but it’ll take a while. How about I help you there and wait for you at the door. Do you think you can do that without falling over?”_

_“Yes, I think so.”_

I was able to walk on my own as he held my good arm. 

_“Thank you. I think I can take it from here and preserve the remnant of my dignity."_

_“Perfect.“_

He said amused, the corner of his eyes crinkling. At that moment my stupid heart decided to flip flop, and I tripped on my own feet. Urgh. Talk about undignified. Thankfully I was wearing pjs instead of those dreaded half-open hospital gowns. That would have been a sight. I eventually managed to do what needed to be done, wash my hands and, with his help, gratefully climbed back into bed. 

_“I’m sorry for waking you. It feels like the middle of the night."_

_“It is only midnight. I was not asleep yet.”_

_“Oh, are you a late-night person?”_

_“Yes, mostly.”_

_“I used to be, but between teaching and my pets, it has changed. I barely sleep past 8 am nowadays and go to bed relatively early."_

He was looking at me with a raised eyebrow. I was babbling.

_“I think you are due for your medication. You need to eat something with it, do you have a preference?”_

_“Nope, anything is fine.”_

_“Here.”_

He gave me some bread and some soy milk. It felt delicious as I was quite hungry.

_“Thank you. Did I get any replies to my emails?”_

_“Yes, a couple. Would you like me to read them?”_

_“Yes please, that would be great.”_

We spent the next 20 minutes answering my messages and reassuring people. Then we settled back in, me in bed and him on the couch to my left. 

_“I am not very sleepy,”_ I told him _. “Are you busy?”_

_“No. I’m done for the day."_

_“Could you tell me a story?”_

_“A story?”_

I suddenly felt like a big baby.

_“Never mind. Good night.”_

_“No, explain. I am just not sure what you mean.”_

_“Well, I usually read before going to sleep. But I’m not allowed. If you could tell me something about where you grew up or your work or friends, it doesn’t have to be about personal things. It can be about how your hometown looks like or your favourite hike."_

_“Hmmm."_

He thought for a little while and then started talking about his youngest sister. He was a good storyteller. I giggled a few times. As his story was winding down, I started yawning and fell asleep almost as soon as he finished.

_“Thank you,"_ I said with a smile on my lips as I drifted off. 


	2. Chapter 2

I slept well most of the night, but became restless near morning and fell into one of my typical nightmares. I was attacked when I was 21, which resulted in PTSD, specifically some intense dreams. The symptoms dulled with therapy and time, but when I’m stressed or exhausted, they come back. They are vivid, and when I wake up, it is not always easy to differentiate between the dreams and reality. They are also accompanied by panic attacks. Today was no exception, as I woke up screaming. I sat bolt upright, the scream stuck half-strangled in my throat as a fresh wave of nausea hit me. If I had had anything in my stomach, it would have ended up on the floor. I stayed there with my head between my knees, trying to breathe, sweating, retching and fighting the panic. 

A hand came down the base of my neck, squeezing gently. I could feel a body beside me, and I awkwardly slumped against it. An arm came around me, holding me, gentle pressure grounding me. Then I heard counting and automatically started breathing in rhythm. The world slowly righted itself as nausea and panic receded. My breathing finally slowed back down to normal.

_“You have an interesting way to wake up. It was less startling when you slept 24/7.”_

That made me giggle. I sighed, finally able to relax.

_“I’m sorry. I don’t have nightmares as much anymore, but they sometimes happen when I’m stressed. Thank you. You don’t need to stay here, you know."_

I suddenly felt self-conscious when I realized I was still in his arms. Urgh, I’m such a mess. I don’t like to show this to people.

_“It’s ok. Don’t worry about it. We should get you changed, or you’re going to get cold. I’ll call a nurse to deal with your bed while we do that.”_

We??? Wait, what? I’m going to change myself, thank you very much. I could feel the heat on my cheeks. Oh great. Look at me making a stellar impression to this unreal being who looksperfectly put together even though he was just startled awake by a lunatic.

Before I knew it, he swivelled my legs around and helped me up. We walked to the bathroom, and he sat me down on the toilet. He left to get a change of clothes and some necessities, then reached for my collar and started unbuttoning my shirt. I stopped him by swatting his hands away.

_“I’m ok. I can take it from here. I’m not feeling dizzy. I swear I won’t be a hero and call you if I need it.”_

_“The doctors said you could not shower until your stitches come out, so you will have todo with a washcloth. Yes, don’t be a hero._ ”

And with that, he winked at me and left. The flames that had died down on my cheeks came back full power. I had never been a blusher, until now. I turned towards the mirror and stared at my reflection, aghast. My hair was matted, up on one side and clumped by sweat on the other. My face looked gaunt and pale, my eyes sunken. I had lost some weight. My clothes, which used to be fitted, hung on me like on a scarecrow now. I sighed. I tried not to think about the beautiful creature waiting on the other side of the door.

I felt a little dizzy, so I sat down on the toilet and started scrubbing my face and my body as well as I could. I reeked too. Oh, what a dreamboat I was!At last, I was done and I felt clean and mildly better, except for my hair. There was nothing I could do as waves of nausea hit me whenever I tried to take care of it. As if sensing my distress, I heard a “A _re you alright._ ” from the other side of the door. Oy! How can someone be so perfect? I started feeling annoyed. With fresh clothes on and clean teeth, I was feeling more confident. I tidied up and came out. 

_“You took a long time in there. I was getting worried.”_

_“I haven’t washed in five days. It was extra work cutting through the grime. Also, I had to do it all with one arm, so give me some slack.”_

He laughed, and I stared, enthralled. He looked at me, one eyebrow raised. I told myself to snap out of it when I saw amusement dancing in his eyes. Damn! This jerk knows the effect he has on people. Triple Damn! I started to feel grumpy again and huffed back to bed. Well, it was more of a slow shuffle, but the huffy spirit was there. I didn’t have time to reach the bed before his hand was on my arm.

_“I’m ok you know, I’m not an invalid. I can do this on my own.”_

_“What if I like helping you?”_

Bang, the flaming cheeks are back. What the hell is wrong with me. 

_“Oh, whatever!”_

I swatted his hand away. I sat down and scratched my scalp. I sighed. I cannot do anything about it for now, so I might as well just accept it.

_“Is your hair bothering you?”_

_“Nah, it’s ok. I’ll survive."_

_“Let’s go back to the bathroom. I’ll help you wash it. It’ll make you feel better.”_

Before I could say anything, I found myself being lifted off the bed and carried into the bathroom. 

_“What the hell are you doing?”_

_“You’re too slow. This is more efficient.”_ He said as he deposited me on the toilet. 

He grabbed the plastic stool and put it outside of the shower, then took my hand and gently told me to sit. I was stunned into obeying.

_“See, it’s much nicer when you behave."_

My fist collided with his midsection a little bit harder than I had planned. Good thing I was weak, or it would have hurt for real. He chuckled. 

_“Settle down now. I don’t want to get your stitches wet.”_

_“Yes, sir,”_

I answered, feeling bratty. His hands gently and carefully held my head back.

_“Is this ok? Are you feeling dizzy?”_

_“No, it’s ok, thank you."_

One hand held my head while the other worked on getting my hair clean. Thankfully, it is short, so it didn’t take long. I would not have been able to handle both the position and his nearness much longer. When he was done, he grabbed a towel to pat my head down. I wasn’t expecting such gentleness. He started to bend down to lift me, but I was ready this time and put a hand up against his chest to stop him. I stood up gingerly and dropped down my hand quickly when I realized how long it had been resting there.

_“Don’t even think about carrying me again. If you feel like getting some exercise, go to the gym.”_

An amused grin lit up his face, and I had to turn around so he wouldn’t see me blushing. Of course, me being me, I almost walked into the wall. Why does this always happen? Is there such a thing as a clumsy gene? Sigh. I heard a burst of laughter behind me. I climbed into bed feeling tired and mildly mortified. I sat back and closed my eyes. I felt the mattress move under his weight as he sat beside me. 

_“Are you hungry? It is time for your medication, so you need to eat a little. You need the energy to heal.”_

I didn’t open my eyes, in need of distance at the moment and feeling overwhelmed by his closeness. I just lowered my chin in assent.

_“Ok. I’ll go get some food.”_

He got up and started talking on the phone, too fast for me to understand. I just sat with my eyes closed, feeling better now that my hair was clean. Eventually, I drifted off to sleep. I woke up to the smell of food. My stomach grumbled. He was wheeling the table towards me with multiple side dishes on it. It smelled delicious. 

_“I asked the guys to send us some real food. You probably won’t be able to eat much, but this is nicer than porridge or bread.”_

_“It smells so good!”_

I smiled and had to stop myself from clapping my hands like a five year old. I picked up that habit from a friend and It’s been hard to curb.

_“Here.”_ He passed me a fork.

_“Hmmm, are there any chopsticks?”_

He looked at me and raised one eyebrow. An expression I was coming to know quite well.

_“You know how to use them?”_

_“I’m a klutz, not an idiot."_

I grabbed the chopsticks and stared at the food. 

_“Don’t worry. There’s nothing spicy. I wasn’t sure if you could handle it. It’s not good when healing anyway."_

_“Hmm, I can handle some but not as much as Korean people. I’m pretty wimpy here."_

I smiled and asked him what he wanted.

_“I’m ok. You go ahead.”_

_“No, the least I can do to thank you for your help is to put food on your plate before I eat."_

I think if it had been possible, my smile would have reached the back of my head. As I looked up at him, I was surprised to see him blush a little.

_“Come on, tell me."_

He passed me a bowl that I filled with rice, and then he pointed at different side dishes. When I was done, he gave me another bowl, and I picked a little bit of everything for myself. I didn’t recognize any of the dishes but one. I’ve never been a picky eater, though, and always enjoy discovering new things. The only thing I won’t eat again is chicken feet. We ate in companionable silence. He sat on the bed across from me and periodically extended his bowl towards me for a refill. I ate slowly, filling up fast. The food was delicious.

_“Who cooked this food?”_

_“Yes, Jae Sun is the one who cooks for us. He says he finds it relaxing."_

_“That must be nice.”_

I was feeling wistful. I live alone, and cooking had become something I have to do but don’t enjoy anymore. I put the bowl down and started sitting up to help put the leftovers in containers but was told to stop. Feeling grateful, I sat back and relaxed.

_“Don’t you need to go home?”_

_“It is easier if I stay here and get people to bring me what I need. We put rehearsal on hold because of the health situation. It’s also less likely fans will find me if I stay here. It can become tricky at times to evade followers. Some of them are quite determined.”_

_“This sounds unpleasant.”_

_“You get used to it. Most of our fans are great.”_

_“I feel a little less guilty for monopolizing your time knowing this. I am not happy about affecting your life and comfort, though.”_

He turned to me with a surprised look on his face.

_“Thank you. This is not as big an inconvenience as you think. I truly do not mind. The guys and I discussed who would stay with you, and I was the obvious choice. Most of them can communicate in English but still at a fairly basic level. We needed to be able to relay medical information and help you with whatever you needed. I was not forced to stay, I also thought it was the best solution.”_

_“That is very kind. Can I ask you a question? It’s ok if you don’t want to answer and think I’m nosy.”_

He just lowered his chin as a sign of assent.

_“Did you live in the US at some point? Your accent sounds like you spent some time on the east coast.”_

_“No, I have never lived in the States. My stepmother is Korean-American. I grew up speaking both English and Korean at home.”_

_“I am thankful for this. My Korean is very basic. I can understand better than I speak, but this would have been much harder without you. It is quite tiring to speak another language before being fluent.”_

_“Yes, that is true. I was very frustrated at the beginning. Now, I am happy she pushed me because I get to talk to you.”_

He finished putting things away, grabbed water and my medication, gave them to me and went back to the couch to grab a pillow. 

_“Move a bit,"_

He said as he sat down beside me. Surprised, I looked at him and scooted a little to the side to allow him to lie down beside me. 

_“It’s more comfortable to tell you a story.”_

_“Oh, it’s ok. I’m fine tonight. You don’t have to do that.”_

_“I enjoyed doing it. It has been a whirlwind since we debuted. It is nice to have time to think and talk about something unrelated to work.”_

_“It sounds hectic.”_

_“It is a little.”_

_“Do you ever want to slow down?”_

_“Not yet, it’s been busy, sometimes hard but also really great. We are getting older, though and nothing can stay the same forever.”_

I thought about that and my dissatisfaction with my overly quiet life. I missed moving around and living in different countries. I missed my student years. I sighed.

_“I agree. It’s the opposite for me, my life has become very static. I need to bring a little chaos back.”_

_“Well, at least for this month, you will get your wish.”_

_“Ah ah, yes, I guess I will. I’m not sure that’s what I had in mind,"_

I made a face, and he laughed. I could feel his body against mine. This definitely was not helping me fall asleep. 

_“As long as you don’t end up making me learn dance routines or sing, I think I can survive just fine.”_

_“Oh that’s an idea, I’m sure my hoobae will love the idea of turning you into a trainee."_

_“uhh.. Please do not even think of suggesting this to them. I can do neither. It would be a disaster.”_

_“Hmm… We’ll see about that."_

I ended up poking him in the ribs. 

_“Remember that I can send you flying if you piss me off,"_

I said with a half-smile as he laughed out loud. I loved hearing his laugh. Wait? Loved? Oh shit! No. No. No. I closed my eyes suddenly and felt a hand on my forehead as he said anxiously,

_“Are you ok? Do you need more medication? Is your head hurting?”_

I cannot fall for this person. He is beautiful inside and out. He is caring, gentle, thoughtful, easy to talk to……Oh crap! I am way too tired to guard myself against that. The last time I fell for someone, it was a disaster and I spent a long time heartbroken. I do not want to revisit this particular situation. And I don’t need to fall for a straight guy. I’m usually straightforward about being gay, but with the coma and everything, I didn’t really get a chance to say anything.

_“Are you alright. You look strange, is your headache back?”_

His voice interrupted my spiralling thoughts.

_“I’m ok, but I’m feeling a little tired and sore. I’m sorry.”_

_“No need to apologize. It’s my fault for keeping you up."_

_“Oh no, I was enjoying chatting with you. I just didn’t realize I was getting tired. It’s not your fault.”_

He looked at me with a thoughtful expression on his face, his eyebrows drawn together. I stomped down my delusional thoughts and smiled. 

_“Thank you for keeping me company. But you should go home tonight. As you can see, I feel a lot better, and I swear I will not move around by myself.”_

I was expecting him to get up and go. Maybe argue that he should still sleep on the couch. I didn’t expect him to come closer, look straight at me and reach up to cup my cheek.

_“Stop trying to send me away. I will not go. Now relax, I will get your medication and help you get ready for sleep.”_

Relax?? Are you nuts? How can I relax? I can still feel his fingers on my skin. I am anything but relaxed at this point. I told him to go but he won’t. Surrendering to my fate, I obediently let him lead me to the bathroom. I already know this will be painful. It might already be too late to turn back anyway. My poor starved heart is a goner. I suddenly feel like crying. It must have shown on my face because the next thing I know I am enveloped in a gentle hug. I cannot think with his smell surrounding me. I can feel his heart beating and the length of his body against mine. I give up, lean into his embrace and wrap my arms around him. I don’t know how long we stayed like that. I didn’t even realize I cried. Eventually, I step back, and he lets me go, gently wiping my tears with his hands, smiling at me.

_“Are you feeling better?”_

I look away.

_“Sorry. I must be overtired. I’ll just go wash up.”_

I slowly turn away, reminding myself not to move fast at the last minute. I wish I could run out of there and never come back. I close the door behind me and rest against it. I wish I had my headphones so I could cut reality out. Cut him out. I cannot stay with him for a month. I will surely go mad if I do. I slide down the door and rest my head on my knees, hugging myself. How did this happen? I must have taken leave of my senses because of the crack in my skull. After a while, I heard a tap on the door and an anxious voice,

_“What’s going on? Are you alright? Please answer me, or I’ll come in.”_

I must have been silent for too long.

_“I’m fine. Sorry. I was brushing my teeth and ended up daydreaming. Nothing is wrong. I’ll be out soon. I promise.”_

I slowly and carefully I washed my face and brushed my teeth. I need some distance between us. I need to stop sharing and stop getting to know him. If I don’t, I’ll end up liking him for good, which is not an option. I slowly get out and head towards the bed. I swat his hand back as he tries to reach for me to help me up.

_“I don’t need help, thank you. I’m going to bed now. Good night”_

I didn’t mean to sound so curt, but maybe it is better that I did. His face falls at my words. I can feel him search my face as I look away.

_“Ok, good night, then.”_

I lay down and turn my back to him. I can hear him move around in the bathroom, getting ready for bed. I pretend to be asleep when he comes out. I can feel him come and check up on me. I almost jump out of my skin when I feel a hand on my head while he covers me with the blankets. I don’t know why tears start flowing again. I cannot help it. I hope he doesn’t hear me. Suddenly the blankets are lifted, and before I can do anything, I find myself in his arms. I can feel his breath against my neck as he speaks

_“I knew something wasn’t right. Just let me hold you. Please let me do this for you. You can push me away tomorrow, just let me be with you right now, ok?”_

I nod silently and let him cuddle me. I lean into him, into his heat as his arm secures me against his chest. I fall asleep almost instantly. He is gone when I wake up. I feel so bereft tears almost spill out again. Get a grip, you idiot. What did I expect? He was just being nice. Let it go. I get up and shuffle slowly to where my clothes are, grab some sweats and an oversized hoody, which are my comfort clothes. I feel like I got run over by a bus, both physically and emotionally. I manage to brush my teeth, wash up and change without feeling too out of sorts. My head is throbbing by the time I get back. I look for my meds, but before I have a chance to get them, he comes back in.

_“What do you think you are doing?”_

_“Getting my meds,"_ I climb back into bed and take them _._

_“Why didn’t you wait?”_

_“I’m feeling better. I don’t need a mother hen clucking over me."_

_“Right, so you didn’t need me last night?"_

Damn him. I lie back down and turn away from him and these disturbing feelings. I can feel him staring at me. 

_“Are you going to ignore me all day or are you going to eat with me?”_

_“I’m not hungry, go ahead. I’ll eat when they bring me a tray. You should go home. It is more than time for you to do so.”_

_“You really don’t want me here?”_

_“No.”_ I lied.

_“Very well, have it your way. Since you won’t talk to me, I’ll go.”_

Talk? About what? I can’t think straight. Why does he sound so angry? He drops the food on the table and just leaves, slamming the door. What just happened? Whatever. 

I can finally think without him in the room. As I remember his face, I feel bad. He looked so hurt. Just forget it. Don’t go there. I am suddenly not hungry anymore. After a while, drift off to sleep. When I wake up it feels like it’s already the afternoon. How can I sleep so much? It reminds me of the time I broke my ankle. Healing takes energy, I guess. I look around. The room is empty. I'm hungry, but the food is gone. I call the nurse and explain in my broken Korean that I fell asleep and missed my meal, and I would appreciate it if she had something I could eat. She leaves and comes back with some cracker-like things and a can of ginger ale and tells me dinner is 2 hrs away. It’s going to be a long afternoon. I don’t know where my wallet, phone or computer are. Even if I could walk that far, I cannot go and get myself something to eat. I am also suddenly craving coffee. It’s ok, I’ve been there before. I can take care of myself. I wish I had my headphones and an audiobook. Thankfully,I feel sleepy again. I curl up in a ball on the bed and drift off.

Someone is in the room when I wake up. He’s back!! I open my eyes and see a nurse setting up some food on my tray. Why am I so disappointed? Why would he come back? I told him to go so many times. It was bound to stick eventually. I sigh and try to find how to raise the back of the bed. After raising the bed, bringing it down, raising the feet, the knees and tilting it back, I give up. Not one of the damn buttons does what I want, so I get up to grab more pillows to stack behind me and look at the tray. Everything is sealed. Opening up the packaging one-handed is going to be a pain. By the time I’m done, I'm exhausted. 

Feeling very sorry for myself, I push away the tray and lie on my pillow mountain, bored to death and wishing this crappy day to end. I start singing to entertain myself. Some choir stuff and then, any song I can remember. I slowly feel a bit better lost in my own little world, so distracted I don’t hear the door open. I nearly fall off the bed when he speaks, 

_“You lied, you can sing.”_

I do not know what to say. I missed him. Like an idiot, I am already well in likes with him. If we spend more time together, I am very well in danger of more. I sit up slowly, cross my legs and just wait, unsure. He walks toward the bed slowly and sits down. I didn’t realize he had a bag in his hand until he extends it towards me. I seem to have turned into a mime. Unable to speak, I just stare at him. He drops his arm back down.

_“I am sorry. I shouldn’t have gotten angry at you this morning. I left so fast that I forgot to tell you I had some meetings. It’s not until I tried to text you to let you know that I remembered you are not allowed to have your phone. And everyone was busy, so I couldn’t send someone here. I called the nurse’s station. Did they let you know?”_

He looked awkward as he rubbed his head while telling me all this. At last, my speech module seemed to have rebooted. 

_“No, they didn’t. It doesn’t matter."_

He looked stricken.

_“No one told you? You thought I left you alone all day after yelling at you?”_

_“You don’t owe me anything. You didn’t need to come back.”_

_“What’s wrong with you? Of course I had to come. I’m sorry, I should not have left like that. Oh, this is not good!”_

_“Why are you here?”_

_“What do you mean? I’m done with my meetings, so I came home.”_

Say what? Home? We both stared at each other for what felt like years. His face turned one of the brightest and deepest red I have ever seen. For the first time since this morning, I smiled.

_“Home?”_

I lifted an eyebrow and tilted my head slightly. His hand went back up to rub his head. He looked embarrassed and adorable as he turned away and shoved the bag he was holding towards me.

_“Here, I remembered you needed these.”_

He dropped it on my lap and busied himself by the couch to cover up his embarrassment. I slowly opened the bag and saw the same headphones I lost as a result of my tumble down the airport stairs. I looked up at him. He was looking at his phone, still the colour of a whole field of beets. I couldn’t help laughing. I hate being mad at people. I felt crummy for an entire day. I wasn’t fair to him. I had to own my feelings. He had always treated me with kindness. He didn't deserve to be treated poorly because I didn’t want to get hurt. I sighed,

_“Thank you. It means a lot to me. I am sorry. I was feeling awkward and mistreated you as a result. That wasn’t fair.”_

He lifted his face from his phone and smiled. He put his phone down and got up. 

_“Ermm. I’m sorry. You don’t really know me, and I got all up in your space. Errr…”_

_“It’s ok. I got overwhelmed. You helped me. I should have just told you. I am not used to relying on someone else. I can’t even blame my cracked skull for my poor social graces."_

He smiled and sat down beside me. 

_“Thank you for picking up the headphones. You’ll have to let me know how to wire you some money.”_

_“No need.”_

_“These are expensive. I cannot let you pay for them."_

_“No, it’s ok. It’s from all of us because we broke yours.”_

_“Oh, that wasn’t necessary. Thank you.”_

I didn’t know what else to say. I felt awkward but I didn’t want to offend them by insisting.

_“No problem. Have you eaten? I brought back some food."_

_“I had some sort of dinner, but most of it ended up on the tray and on me."_

_“Huh, why?”_

_“Everything was sealed in plastic. Let’s say I lost the fight.”_

_“Huh?”_

_“Some things are not easy one-handed."_

_“Oh no! I forgot about your arm. Why didn’t you call the nurse. I’m going to complain. How could they leave you without help!!”_

_“Oy!! Chill! Nurses have other things to do. It was fine. I managed to eat something and survive. Promise me you will leave them alone.”_

I tried to look stern but likely ended up goofy because he just laughed at me. I scrunchedup my eyebrows.

_“Ok, ok. I’ll leave them alone."_

He started getting busy setting up everything. I was looking forward to another delicious meal and his company. I am so gone already. It’s not even funny. I’ve known him for a week, half of which I was asleep. Oy! How can this be?

_“Can I ask you something?”_

I snapped out of my daydream. 

_“Sure.”_

_“Why is your bed covered in the couch pillows and at a weird angle?”_

_“Ah, hmm, I tried to raise the back to sit up but couldn’t figure out how and after I tweaked all the buttons, I gave up trying to put it back to normal, so I just made a pillow nest.”_

I must have looked like a drowned kitten because he reached out to cup my face with his hand.

_“I’m sorry I left you alone today. I promise I’ll take better care of you, and if I can’t be with, I'll make sure someone replaces me.”_

I could feel my heart thumping against my chest. I pushed his hand away.

_“I don’t need a babysitter. I just need to study more diligently so I can read characters better."_

That quip got me a smile.


	3. Chapter 3

He went back to prepare the food. We ate as we chatted about his day. I went to wash up. By the time I came out, the pillow mountain had disappeared, and my bed was back to an appropriate configuration. I was grateful to see he’d made some tea. My caffeine withdrawal was showing. 

_“Did the doctors say if I could have coffee?”_

_“I didn’t ask. Would you like me to?”_

_“Yes, please. I have been craving some all day. It’s too late now, but it would be nice to have some tomorrow. I can’t remember the last time I went this long without it."_

_“You’re an addict."_

_“Yes. But it feels so goooood.”_

He stared at me, eyes wide. I was suddenly very self-conscious.

_“Anyway….”_

I finished my tea, and he took my cup. He pulled up the blankets around me and reclined the bed. 

_“Do you need anything else?"_

Yes! You! Now!… argh.. shut up. Down boy! I must have looked weird because his right eyebrow shot up.

_“No, no. I’m good. Thank you.”_

_“Good night, then.”_

_“Good night.”_

I was not really sleepy, but it was nice to be able to think. I wanted to listen to some music. Since I wasn’t allowed to look at my phone I decide to get my small iPod. It was in my bag so I slowly got up and walked towards the closet. I opened the door, squatted down and shuffled around until I found what I needed. I stood up and turned around to go back to bed but ran into a solid naked chest. Naked? If the lights had been on, it would have been possible to see me turn red from the root of my hair to the tip of my toes.

_“What are you doing?”_

_“Ouch. Do you have to stand in the middle like that? I wanted to listen to some music. I’m not sleepy. And before you scold me. I thought you were asleep and didn’t want to wake you up."_

_“I wasn’t asleep."_

_“Yes, my nose is painfully aware of that fact, thank you."_

_“Go back to bed."_

_“I’m trying to, but there’s an immovable boulder in the middle of my path."_

He moved towards me and the atmosphere in the room shifted. I felt as if half of the oxygen had been sucked out of it. He was so close I could feel his body heat.

_“Can we talk about it."_

_“Err.. talk about what?”_

_“You and me."_

_“What do you mean?”_

_“You know what I mean."_

I was barely able to breathe. What? Did he realize I liked him and was feeling uncomfortable? Shit. I started to worry. What if he reacted badly. I didn’t want to revisit that. I got bullied and bashed when I was younger, that’s why I decided to learn how to defend myself. But I wasn’t at the top of my game right now. I couldn’t see him be violent, but I’d thought that before and been wrong. 

_“Are you ok? Are you dizzy?”_

His voice was full of concern and startled me out of my internal conversation.

_“Yes, yes. I’m fine. I was just thinking. I’m good.”_

_“Are you always this obtuse or do you do it on purpose?"_

I likely looked like a deer caught in headlights.

_“Errm… what?”_

_“You’re just a coward, then?”_

_“What the fuck do you mean?"_

_“I like you."_

I made a half-strangled sound. This was the last thing I expected. 

_“Just listen, ok?_

I nodded, too stunned to speak.

_“I like you. I’ve liked you since the day I saw you at the airport. I stopped walking to watch you. Our security stayed behind with me, but Tae Hyun was oblivious as usual and kept moving. That’s how you ended up colliding with him before any of them could stop you. I was so worried when you got hurt. I told the others there was no way we were leaving you there.”_

He paused, reached up to rub his head. I knew he was feeling awkward so I reached out to touch his arm to encourage him to continue. There seemed to be more to this story.

_“ You see, I wanted to meet you so badly. While we were waiting for our flight, you were sitting not that far from us. I…errr… watched you for two hours. You were working on your computer, listening to music, singing along and dancing. You were so adorable.”_

He cleared his throat, uncomfortable.

_“I’m not a stalker or anything. I was disappointed that you didn’t even look our way once. I might have found a way to talk to you. Then it was time for us to go and you stood up looking frantically at your phone and I missed my chance.”_

He was babbling. It was surprising to see him so awkward and unsure.

_“You got hurt because of me. I felt so guilty. I didn’t leave your side while you were unconscious. You know, we usually wait in the first class lounges, but there was a problem that day. That’s why we were there.”_

He stopped again. I just waited, unsure whether I should speak, having no clue what I should say.

_“I was so happy when you woke up. I’d been so worried. And the more I learn about you, the more I like you. I…. I am not talking about friendship. I … I want to kiss you.”_

I reached up with to touch his face.

_“I thought you were straight.”_

_“No. I knew for sure I was gay at 12 when I kissed another boy and got the crap beaten out of me.”_

I moved forward, circled his waist and rested my face on his chest. 

_“I didn’t realize. My gaydar is usually better tuned than this.”_

His arms came around my shoulders and he kissed the top of my head.

_“May I kiss you?”_

_“Didn’t you just do that?”_

_“Oh, you little…!”_

Before he had a chance to finish his sentence, I lifted my head and brushed my lips against his. I just meant to give him a light kiss, but he pulled me in and deepened it, hungry for more. I reluctantly broke away and stepped back.

_“I’m sorry, this is a bit uncomfortable”_

He tensed but relaxed immediately when I said,

_“I mean the position is uncomfortable. It’s making me dizzy.”_

_“Oh, I’m sorry. I forgot!”_

The next thing I know, he has lifted me in his arms and walked over to the couch. He settled me on his lap, reached back and pulled a blanket around us. I laid my head down on his shoulder.

_“Are you comfortable?”_

_“Yes”_

_“I'm sorry. I forgot you were hurt.”_

_“It’s ok. I did too.”_

He leaned down to brush his lips against mine.

_“Hmmmmm”_

I sucked gently on his upper lip then traced it with the tip of my tongue. His hand came up to my neck, anchoring me as he deepened the kiss, sucking on my tongue. My arms circled his neck, bringing him closer. After a while, he gentles the kiss and nuzzles my neck. 

_“I wish I could keep going, but I don’t think I could hold myself back. I want you too much, and the doctors said nothing strenuous.”_

_“You jerk! You choose now to be responsible?”_

I nibble on his ear, letting him feel my teeth, pleased to hear him breathe in sharply. Satisfied, I break away and stand up. He lets me, reaching for my hand. I look at him

_“I like you too, you know, but it worries me. What will your members and managementsay?_ ”

_“The members all know. That was the first thing I told them when we knew we would debut together. I didn’t want to lie and spend years working with them to see it come out and destroy everything. They’ve always been supportive. They knew I was smitten as soon as they saw me looking at you.”_

He stood up grinning and I flicked his nose. 

_“With the management, it’s don’t ask don’t tell. It’s not like there has be a lot of opportunity for me to test that. I’ve been pretty busy.”_

Err, what? What is this information? Before I have a chance to ask anything, he went on,

_“I don’t have a road map here. I just know I want to get to know you better.”_

_“Ok.”_

I kiss him and rest my forehead against his. 

_“This might turn out to be a tragedy.”_

_“Considering how clumsy you are, it’s at least going to be a tragicomedy."_

I burst out laughing and punch his midsection and he bear hugs me to stop me from doing it again. 

_“ Can I sleep with you, or is it too uncomfortable?”_

_“We can try, I’ll let you know if it is._ ”

We settled on the bed, mildly awkward and giggly. I’m not that much shorter than him, but I’m pretty lanky and lost a lot of weight. So, as he folded me into his arms, my head tucked in under his chin, I felt downright tiny. It didn’t feel awkward or uncomfortable, though, and I fell asleep until the next morning. I woke up with an arm across my waist and a broad chest behind me. It had not been a dream! I grinned from ear to ear and probably would have squealed if I was alone!

_"Can we stay like this a little while longer? I'm not ready to get up yet."_

_"Ok."_

I tucked his arms tighter around me as he kissed my temple and then told me,

_"I've been single for a long time, you know. I had forgotten how lovely it is to wake up with someone."_

_"You're so cheesy!"_ I laughed, and he nipped my ear as payback _._

_"And you're a little jerk."_

I turned around to face him. 

_"Are you really sure about this?"_

_"Yes, fate brought you to me. I won't let you go that easily."_

I laughed.

_"Oh my goodness, what is it with you?"_

_"What? Can't I tell you I'm happy to be with you?"_

_"You look so cool and badass on first impression, but in fact, you're all mushy. I don't know if I can take the shift of paradigm!”_

I had just meant to tease him, but he looked a little hurt.

_"I'm sorry. I was just teasing you."_

_"I tend to say what I feel. I'll stop if you don’t like it.”_

_“No, it’s ok. I’m just not used to it. I mean, err, I’m kinda blunt about everything, but …. feelings…errr…”_

Feeling shy and embarrassed, I hid my head on his shoulder. He smiled.

_“I’ll try and tone it down a little bit so you don’t feel too uncomfortable. I have only been in a couple relationships, so …err, it’s not like I’m like knowledgeable or anything.”_

_“Oh my goodness, we’re going to win the prize of most awkward people of the year!”_

We both burst out laughing. After I finally calmed down, I looked at him and said,

“ _Well, as long as we talk to each other, I think we can manage be together without too many cringeworthy moments.”_

_“I am really not sure about this. We seem to be the perfect awkward generator when we are together.”_

We couldn’t help laughing again but the moment was abruptly cut short by a knock on the door. Moving at lightning speed and almost tripping on his own feet, he went back the couch. He was sitting with a shirt on (how? From where?) by the time the nurse came in with her cart. It felt a little bit jarring. I had no time to reflect before the nurse demanded my full attention. The next few days passed quickly. Eating together, cuddling and talking periods alternated with visits from the others and the hospital staff. I was feeling better everyday and was eventually allowed to leave. 

The bubble we had been living in burst at that moment. My move to the dorm had to be kept under wraps, which meant he wasn’t allowed to come with me. He had to leave early that morning for a live show anyway. A staffer I didn’t know came to get me and my luggage, stuffed me in a van and drove me around for a bit. Then, they made me swap vehicle and eventually drove me to my final destination. It was surreal. I felt like I had walked into a bad spy movie. I was feeling out of sorts and anxious by the time I got to the dorm. The experience left a bad taste in my mouth. Exhausted, I put on my headphones, and playing an Orkidea podcast, lay down on the bed and closed my eyes. Finally able to shut out the world, my inner turmoil lessened. 

I have no idea how long I stayed like that, half asleep. Suddenly, the door slammed open and I sat up, startled. I moved too fast and ended up curled into a ball on the floor feeling like hell. A hand reached down to touch my head but I said through clenched teeth, 

_“Don’t touch me!”_

Eyes still shut, I hugged myself, waiting for the nausea to pass. It felt like forever. Eventually, without moving, I was able to open my eyes and saw him seated on the floor a couple of feet away, a worried look on his face. I was angry.

_“Get out.”_

_“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. They’d tried to get you to answer the door for a while when I got back but couldn’t get an answer. I was worried because the door was locked.”_

I was not pleased or thankful. My head hurt and it made me extremely cranky. 

_“I asked you to go. Please leave.”_

He looked stricken. He got up, hesitating, wanting to say something but one look at me stopped him. He walked out and gently closed the door behind him. I just stayed there, too exhausted to move, drained by my anger. I don’t know how I fell asleep, but I did. When I woke up, I was on the bed, my headphones on the night table and he was asleep on the couch. I sighed. Iwas cold so I pulled the blanket around. The small movement woke him up. 

_“I’m really sorry”_

I didn’t know what to say to him. I knew I should be the one apologizing, I was just stuck in my resentment and self-pity and I didn’t know how to break out of it.

_“Can I …”_

His voice trailed, unsure.

_“Can I come and lie down with you? Can we talk?”_

_“I don’t know. No. Maybe later.”_

I was not sure which question I was answering. I had no idea what to say or do, whether I wanted him near me or as far away as possible. I needed space and rest.

_“Ok. I’ll stay on the couch for a little bit. I was too worried to leave you alone. I’m sorry. I’ll leave once you’re asleep again”_

I felt ashamed about my behaviour. If I was honest with myself, I was angry at him for something he didn’t really have control over. Being in the closet is a bigger deal for me than I thought. Instead of talking to him about it, though, I had thrown a massive tantrum and ran away. I sighed. It had been a long and tiring day and since the concussion, controlling my emotions was harder. I’ll have to think of better ways to cope, but first, I had to talk to the person sitting on the couch looking anxious and worried.

_“Today was bizarre, uncomfortable and tiring. I couldn’t deal with it and took it out on you. I’m sorry.”_

_“Can you explain a little more? You aren’t really mad about me coming in the room, right?”_

He waited for me to speak. 

_“I hadn’t realized how much of a strain hiding would be. I have never been in the closet. I came out when I was a teenager. My family was fairly accepting and so were my friends. Even though I was bullied, I didn’t want to hide. The reality of being with you hit me today. I’m not sure how to handle it. I was overwhelmed when you came in so I shut you out.”_

_“I’m sorry.”_

_“You have nothing to be sorry about. You didn’t do anything wrong.”_

_“If I was alone, I’d come out in a heartbeat and to hell with the consequences. But I am responsible for others and they would likely be affected negatively by that decision.”_

_“I know. I am not asking you to do anything like that, I would not be ok with that.”_

I slowly sat up and we just looked at each other for a long time, both feeling miserable. 

“Can we try to figure it out together?”

_“I am not sure. I’m sorry. I feel like I can barely function right now.”_

_“I understand. Can I suggest something else then?”_

_“Hmmm.”_

_“I need comfort and so do you. Unless you still feel angry with me, let’s go to bed. Let me stay with you. Nothing can be solved right now. It’ll take time and some conversations. We can start that tomorrow.”_

He didn’t try to wheedle. If he had, I likely would have told him to walk.

_“Ok.”_

He slowly climbed into bed and lay down facing me. I started talking, but he put a finger on my lips.

_“Shhhhh… Tomorrow.”_

He kissed me and pulled me in. Feeling his heartbeat, I slowly relaxed and eventually fell asleep. I woke up because something was tickling my nose…

_“Wake up sleepy. It’s late and the boys are waiting for you for breakfast ”_

_“Hmmmm… I don’t want to.”_

Feather kisses fell all over my face, down my neck and turned to nips. I giggled.

_“Ok, ok. I’ll get up. Stop it!”_

He looked at me and kissed me. I felt his tongue against my lips and opened my mouth,reached out to cup his face with my good hand and brought him closer. He reluctantly pulled back.

_“Let’s go lazy. If we take any longer, I will get teased mercilessly.”_

Reality slammed back. A houseful of men were currently waiting for us to come out of a bedroom. Arrrgh. I’m not really shy but…. I got up, got fresh clothes and stopped short.

_“errr… where is the bathroom. I came straight to the room yesterday. I have no idea where anything is.”_

His eyebrows drawn together disapprovingly.

_“Do you mean, you didn’t get out of that room all day? Didn’t eat?”_

_“Yes, Mother! I’m fine. I can survive skipping a meal or two.”_

He came up to me and slowly ran his hands over my body. I think I blushed all the way down to my toes…

_“You’re already pretty lean and now that I’ve checked you out, you feel even skinnier. Don’t let this happen again or I will be check…. everyday.”_

His hands had stopped on my hips, squeezing gently. There was no air left in the room. He tilted his head to the side, a knowing grin on his lips. He gave me a quick kiss.

_“The bathroom is two doors down to the right. I’ll go to the kitchen while you wash up and rescue some food from the wolf pack.”_

_“Ok, I’ll hurry. Errm… where is the kitchen?”_

_“Same direction, just continue down the hallway. Follow the noise.”_

I headed out of the room as quickly as possible feeling flustered. I tried to be quick but it was still awkward one handed. I went back to the room to drop everything off. I looked around in the daylight. There were pictures of him and his friends, his family… It suddenly dawned on me that I was in his room! Oh dear! Had there been other people yesterday when he tried to open the door? The staffer led me there. Oh damn! I felt embarrassed and almost went back to hide under the blankets. 

Fortunately my growling stomach reminded me of all the meals I had skipped so I left the room looking for the kitchen and indeed the noise let me to it. All of them were in there. As soon as I stepped in, they stopped gabbing and turned towards me as if on cue. Oh crap! I hate being the centre of attention, yikes. My cowardly ass would have bolted if he hadn’t stood up to come take my hand and pull me in. I felt uncomfortable and shook his hand off.

_“I’m not 5 years old, I can walk to the table on my own.”_

I heard a whistle and some giggles. Oy! I wished for a hole I could crawl into. I sighed, squared my shoulders and walked to the only empty seat left. Jae Sun was making breakfast. I had not seen any of them in a couple of days. I didn’t know what Song Gi had told them about us.asked me if I was hungry so I nodded. 

_“Great, You not eat anything yesterday.”_

_“I’m sorry, that was rude. I was a very bad guest. The trip was tiring and I needed rest. I didn’t really realize how much time passed.”_

_“No problem, but hyung don’t bring food. Bad host.”_

I smiled. 

_“No no, I wasn’t hungry until now. I was really exhausted and just needed to sleep.”_

He turned to the others and conversation picked right back up. They spoke fast so it was hard for me to follow, especially with my broken brain. Eventually started eating and the room quieted down. 

_“Your cooking is amazing, thank you.”_

Jae Sun blushed like a school girl as he thanked me. He is adorable. As everyone finished, Jin Woo and Min Kyung picked up the dishes and started washing them up. The others put left overs away and cleaned the table. Tae Hyun who was still handicapped by his injury moved around the table to sit across from me. He looked at me and pointed at his arm.

_“You teach me?”_

I looked at him and smiled,

_“Ok, but I am not able to demonstrate yet. I’m not allowed and you’re still hurt, mom would have a fit!”_

I angled my chin at Song Gi as I said that and Tae Hyun guffawed. The other two came around excitedly,

_“Uli learn too!!”_

_“Ok, but only if it’s ok with everyone else and under one condition.”_

All three looked at their hyungs expectantly. For what felt like the first time, Chin Ho spoke,

_“Injured persons be careful, you three listen to seonsaengnim and work hard.”_

_“Gamsahabnida”_ Was shouted by the three human puppies. 

“ _Guys, you don’t want to know what my condition is?”_

The room went suddenly very silent.


	4. Chapter 4

_“Don’t worry, it’s nothing bad. It’s a trade.”_

Tae Huyn looked at me,

“ _Trade? What is trade?”_

_“It’s an exchange, I teach you the moves and you teach me Korean. Do we have a deal?”_

They were still a little unsure, so Song Gi translated. Loud excited talking erupted within half a second. I could only catch bits and pieces but I think they talked about what to teach me and which swear words were the best. I lifted my hand up and they quieted down.

“ _If you teach me bad words you have to tell me, I don’t want embarrass myself in front of colleagues. If you lie, I will make sure you hit the mat…hard._ ”

I did my best to look stern. It must have worked because they looked at Song Gi who recapped. Then they realized I meant it was ok to teach me bad words and started laughing. The noise level went up at least 3 decibels. Oy! Was I ever this loud at their age or was I always crusty and old?? Jae Sun told them to go to the practice room and start warming up. All three bowed good bye, said they couldn’t wait, yelled,

_“DEAL!!!”_

and dashed out at full speed. I laughed, shaking my head. Jin Woo rolled his eyes, 

_“Youth! So noisy,”_ before heading out with Chin Ho.

I nodded in assent still smiling at their silliness. Song Gi looked at me closely,

_“Did you just trick them into practicing their English?”_

_“Hmm, yeah. I hope that’s ok?”_

He laughed. By asking the boys to teach me Korean, they’ll have to explain things to me in english. Song Gi had mentioned some of them struggled and were feeling self conscious, so that way they were helping me instead of being put on the spot. It was a win for everybody because it allowed me to be useful. Song Gi came to sit besides me and took my hand. I pulled it away and folded it on my lap. I was not ready for that. He arched an eyebrow questioningly but I ignored him. I looked at Jae Sun and ask if they had coffee. 

_“Yes, I show you.”_

_“Thank you, would you guys like some?”_

I stood up to and made a pot for the three of us. While getting everything ready I asked Song Gi,

_“I need to setup an office. May I use the desk in the room?”_

I was blushing furiously, unable to say “your” or “our” room. I had no idea what the others thought about me staying with him. Urrrgh. It was a good thing my back was to them.

_“We have a couple of offices. You are welcome to use one of them.”_

How many room did this freaking place had?? My house, along with my yard, could fit in it!

_“Thank you. That desk is enough for now and I’ll be able to rest when I get tired. I don’t need to monopolize shared space but I might take you up on the offer once I feel better.”_

_“Ok, just let us know. I’ll get our IT staff to send you the details. We had to upgrade the security because a sasaeng managed to get into our system.”_

_“Oh ok, thank you.”_ Yikes, some of these fans are scary.

The coffee was ready and I brought it to the table. Song Gi and Jae Sun were talking about work and I just listened, trying to follow. It was nice. After a while Song Gi turned towards me and startled me out of my daydream,

_“Let’s go back to our room and get you organized.”_

Our room??? I think my eyes popped out of my head when he said this. I took the cups and put them away.

_“See you in a bit Jae Sun-a, I’ll join you guys when we’re done.”_

I said good bye to Jae Sun who was trying hard to hide a grin. Urgh!! What had Song Gi told them? As we walked back he tried to take my hand again but I hissed at him and he burst out laughing. I can give him that, he is persistent. As soon as we stepped inside the room, he turned back and trapped me against the door. What the heck, this isn’t a Kdrama!!

_“What are you doing?”_

_“Why won’t you hold my hand?”_

_“I’m not very comfortable with PDA. We didn’t have time to talk about any of this, and what is ok in front of them. What the hell did you actually tell them???”_

He laughed and then kissed me very thoroughly. I couldn’t help leaning into him hungrily. When he stepped back, he was smiling like a satisfied cat. He had some nerve, that conceited jerk! Oh, he thinks he’s so good! Before I had a chance to say anything, he reached for my hand and held it gently.

_“We have a lot to talk about. I would rather do this now but there’s no time. We will talk after dinner, ok?”_

_“Isn’t that convenient!”_ I grumbled, feeling petulant.

_“Silly boy!”_ He kissed my nose, “As for the others, _I told them that I like you and that we are dating. I would never say more than that and they wouldn’t ask. If I need to talk to someone, it’s usually Jae Sun, but he would never gossip. The others might tease me though, especially since you’re the first person I ever brought here.”_

Wait, WHAT!! I remembered he mentioned not having time for relationships but still… No one else has been here? Not even a lover? I had so many questions but I didn’t get a chance to ask them.

“ _There will be some staffers around during the day but they are usually gone by 6 pm. I’ll show you around later so that you know where everything is. It would be best if you don’t go into the live streaming room, I don’t want you to end up in a live by accident and get hassled by curious fans.”_

He paused, looking thoughtful,

_“I need to talk to management about your cover just in case you’re spotted outside with any of us. I don’t want to be taken by surprise.”_

The bad B movie feelings were back with a measure of anxiety. But I didn’t have time to ask or ponder how surreal this conversation was before he went on,

_“You’re welcome to grab anything in the kitchen if you want a snack. We eat meals together, so swing by around 1 pm for lunch and between 7 and 8 pm for dinner.”_

_“Ok, thank you.”_

_“Now that you know that they know, will you let me hold your hand?”_

_“Probably not. I’m not trying to be flippant. I’m not uncomfortable with you, I just don’t know them and all of this is very new. I’ll need a little time to get used to it, ok? I’m sorry.”_

_“No need to be sorry. I want to know what you are comfortable with and when, I want you to be comfortable with me and with them. You know though, It goes both ways, and once in a while, I might need comfort from you and reach out. I’ll try not to respect your boundaries but we’re all pretty cuddly people so it might not always be easy, especially if I feel down. Just remember and cut me some slack.”_

He smiled goofily and I gave him a hug. He looked surprised but still wrapped his arms around me

_“Didn’t you say you didn’t like PDA?”_

_“I said I am not used to it in front of people. I didn’t say I didn’t like it”_

I kissed him and lay my head on his shoulder. I wished we could go back to bed.

_“You’re an evil jerk. I have to go meet the others to get some work done and all I want to do is go back to bed with you.”_

_“Hmmm, yes I know, me too.”_

I was truly an evil jerk, because after that I kissed his nose and shooed him out of the room.

_“Fine, fine, I’m going. But I’ll get you for this.”_

He grinned, gave me one last kiss and left. I worked on and off all morning because I had to take a lot of breaks. I still tire easily and looking at a screen makes it worse. At 12:45 I headed to the kitchen and looked around for dishes to set the table. Jae Sun arrived before I was done and started pulling things from the fridge.

_“Are you always the one to cook?”_

He looked at me and nodded. He didn’t seem to feel chatty so once I was done setting the table, I sat and rested my chin on my hand, just watching him, comfortably silent. We heard the ruckus before the others even arrived in the room. They were all chatting enthusiastically. Their liveliness made me feel nostalgic about the friends I used to live with while going to university. Song Gi almost came to hug me but stopped himself and somehow, I felt disappointed. I had missed him. We were together almost all the time during the two weeks I spent at the hospital. It was strange to have some time apart. Oh my goodness, it was only a few hours and I was mopping around like a baby!! Urrghh! Eventually the food was ready and we all sat down to eat. Afterwards everyone helped tidy up while Jae Sun made some coffee. I poured a cup and headed back to our room. Our room?? Oh dear, what am I becoming? He followed me in. 

_“Do you need anything in the room?”_

_“Yes, you!”_

And just like that my heart flip flopped, I put my cup down on the desk, turned around and walked to him. My lips found his, my tongue licked his, my body rubbed his. His hands came up to frame my face pulling me in. It was unfortunate we were both busy that afternoon. I would have loved to spend most of it naked with him. We haven’t really talked about sex yet and we didn’t really do anything beyond some heavy petting and kissing. But I can feel his desire, literally, and I’m sure he can feel mine. I put my arms around his waist, broke the kiss and rested my head on his shoulder.

_“Hmmmm, I’ve missed you. I almost hugged you in front of the boys”_

_“What? really?”_ He was grinning.

_“Yes, really! Get over yourself.”_

I said sticking my tongue out at him making him laugh. He brought me back against him and kissed the top of my head.

_“I’m more than happy to oblige anytime.”_

_“I know. I’ll keep that in mind. Now go away and let me get back to work so I can be free in the evening.”_

_“Unfortunately, I have to go. I would never obey otherwise.”_ He winked at me

I laughed at him, kissed him one more time, pushed him out the door and closed it firmly in his face. The afternoon went by quickly and by 16:00 I was so exhausted I lay down with a sigh of relief. I woke up cuddled up to Song Gi.

“What time is it? _Are you guys done for the day?”_

_“6:30 pm and yes, a couple of them will be doing a live after dinner but I opted out.”_

_“It’s ok if you have to work.”_

_“No, it’s your first day back here and I want to make sure you don’t overdo it. I want to spend time with you. I barely got to kiss you today. It was terrible”_ He pouted.

_“Ah ah ah. You’re being a big baby.”_

_“Says the person who missed me by lunchtime”_

I turned around and stuck my tongue out at him in response to his teasing. He bent his head to kiss me, gazing at me intently.

_“Are you tired? Is it ok to talk?”_

_“I had a nice long nap, it’s ok.”_

I braced myself, worried about this conversation and its ramifications. Throughout the day I thought on and off about what I had to say. He rubbed his head and said haltingly,

_“Ok… hmmm. I’m not sure where to start.”_

I looked at him, he was so adorable.

_“Let me try then.”_

He nodded, looking relieved.

_“I freaked out yesterday because suddenly reality came knocking. I wasn’t expecting all of this. I hadn’t realized what it meant to be with you, and it forced me to face something….”_

I stopped, collecting my thoughts. What if he didn’t feel the same way, just wanted a fling and only thought about spending a fun month or so with me. I almost chickened out ….

_“You can tell me everything you have on your mind.”_ He smiled encouragingly,

“ _Ok,”_ I took a big breath. “ _it made me realize that… that this isn’t casual for me.”_

He beamed, hugged me so tightly my ribs hurt. Then he kissed me. Oh my! By the time he went up for air, I was feeling hot and definitely bothered. The intensity in his eyes didn’t help either.

_“I don’t want something casual as well. I’m not really a casual relationship kind of person but I was worried that if I said this you’d get scared or think i’m nuts.”_

_“It does feel like I haven’t known you long enough and I’m here temporarily…Only a few more weeks, your fans, the demands of your job. It’s a lot to deal with.”_

His face fell and he sighed.

_“I’m sorry. I know. Being with me means being hidden. There will be rumours, photographers everywhere, other priorities. If we ever go out together it’ll be difficult and public. It all comes with the job. I cannot ask you to be ok with it, I understand.”_

_“To be honest I’m not sure about that. I really don’t know if I can handle the craziness, the closet, the fans….. I just know that I like you. That might not be enough but it’s a start.”_

I looked at him hopeful and got another rib crushing hug.

_“Thank you. Thank you for telling me.”_

_“I’m not sure where to go from here.”_

_“How about we just take it one step at a time and whenever there’s an issue we talk about it and work on it together?”_

_“What if it can’t?”_

_“Then we’ll address that too and it might mean that we decide to go our own separate way. But until then, I’d like to see if things can actually work. Do you think we can try?”_

_“Hmm….Yes, I’d like that.”_ I smiled at him.

_“You have to promise to talk to me though. It was really hard when you shut me out. I don’t think this is possible if we cannot communicate well with each other.”_

_“I’m sorry. It’s hard for me when I feel overwhelmed. I’ll work on telling you when I need space.”_

_“Thank you.”_ He kissed my nose

“ _I’m not used to being with someone so much. I mean I even moved into your room. What if you get tired of me?”_

_“Well, I can make sure you have an office so we will both have separate spaces. Or If you prefer your own room I can move in with one of the boys. There are options.”_

_“You’d be ok being kicked out of your own room?”_

_“I’m not saying I’d be happy about not sleeping with you every night but if it makes you more comfortable I’d rather adjust and figure out a way that works for both of us.”_

I stared at him in disbelief. I’ve never dated anyone like him. Most of them were self absorbed jerks, a few of them were nice but always ended up getting tired of my idiosyncrasies and one of them broke my heart so thoroughly that I still don’t trust myself or anyone easily. But not him, he was understanding, not promising anything grandiose, just being considerate and accommodating. I couldn’t help myself and hugged him.

“ _Thank you. I am ok sharing space with you. I am not sure if that’ll change but I’ll let you know. For now, working in this room works better because I can rest easily. Once I feel better and get busier, I might need to borrow a proper office. I guess you’re right, the rest can be dealt with as we go.”_

_“Just tell me what you need and I’ll do the same.”_

He smiled, kissed my nose and rested his forehead against mine. I felt happy and comfortable. I decided to stop overthinking and just concentrate on the man in front of me, maybe that way I could manage not to fuck things up. 

The next week was a bit of a blur, filled with meals together, work and socializing with the boys who were getting more comfortable with me. All of them were respectful of my personal space so it was easy to live with them. They were funny and silly and sweet and for the first time in a long time I didn’t feel lonely.

On tSunday, I woke up so early I decided to go to the kitchen to let Song Gi sleep. I put on my headphones and started dancing around as I made breakfast and coffee. My head was finally starting to feel better. I still had to be careful but I could move as long as I didn’t try to spin. I was so engrossed in my silly time that I didn’t realize people had come in. Song Gi and at least a couple others where watching me from the threshold. I squealed when I finally realized they were creeping on me. It was all very undignified. I was still in my pjs, my hair sticking out at odd angles and of course all of them look like they were ready to film a music video. Urghh! Some days, I wish the Earth could swallow me whole. Song Gi asked me if I was ok but.

_“I’m fine. Why are you three creeping around at this time of day. You scared the crap out of me”_

_“I woke up when you left, I can’t sleep when you’re not with me anymore.”_

I heard some chucklingfrom the other two. Urgh!

_“if you’re going to be this cheesy this early you can go back to bed.”_

There was more chuckling from the peanut gallery.

_“Unless you’re going to help with breakfast you can go giggle somewhere else”_

Cackling like two silly geese, the other two left before being roped into making breakfast. I had decided to cook for everyone since I was up so early. I also wanted to thank them all for having to put up with me. Song Gi didn’t leave fast enough and found himself cutting some vegetables instead of getting a kiss. That should teach him to make fun of me.

_“So you can sing and you can also dance?”_

_“No, I cannot. I can hold a tune and run around on a dance floor mostly on beat. That’s not the same thing.”_

_“Hmmm. You are untrained but your voice is lovely and you are definitely very sexy when you dance, it makes me want to dance with you. And not just dance …..”_

It was a good thing I had my back to him. My face turned bright red after that comment. Oh dear! Did he just proposition me??? I am not shy about sex but somehow we have not done anything more than kiss and hold each other like two 15 year olds on their first date. Oy! And here I am, a grown ass man, blushing at the mere mention of sex. 

“ _I see that you woke up with selective blindness. Stop speaking nonsense and keep chopping.”_

Before I had time to finish my sentence he was hugging me from behind. He nuzzled my neck. Let’s be honest, I was getting really turned on. He held me tighter, his hips against my butt. I was not the only one feeling the effects of this. Oh man! I was enjoying this but we were in the kitchen. I stopped and turned around, 

“ _If you keep doing this I won’t be able to finish breakfast.”_

_“Hmmm, why is that?”_

_“Because I’ll be too horny to do so and will leave everything burning so I can take you back to bed”_

_“Hmmm….”_ He said as he licked his lips

_“Oh you’re no help at all!!! I need to finish this. I want to thank everyone so stop distracting me. I’ll deal with you later.”_

_“Promise?”_

_“Fine, now go back to what you were told to do.”_

_“Yes, sir!”_

Thankfully he behaved and I managed to prepare a semi decent breakfast. I couldn’t taste any of it. My mind was entirely preoccupied with him. There was no work to use as an excuse today. Not that I wasn’t interested in having sex with him, but he oddly made me feel shy. I came back to reality to see everyone putting away the dishes. I was still sitting there with a half uneaten meal and my spoon in mid air. Song Gi had a knowing smirk on his face, that jerk! If i’d been closer to him I would have kicked him. 

_“Sorry, I was lost in thought. I’ll finish and help”_

_“No, you did the cooking. You sit, hyung.”_ Min Kyung said to me _._

That was safer anyway as I would likely have ended up breaking half of the plates. I finished my food and gave my plate away. Song Gi looked at me with heat in his eyes. 

_“See you later boys. We’ll leave first”_

Oh dear! He took my hand and led me back to our room. I let him, too zoned out to protest the PDA. We got back to the room. As soon as we were in, he turned towards me, cupped my face and kissed me. I wanted more, so much more, but my stupid brain got in the way.

_“Wait, what are we doing?”_

_“Hmmm, what do you think we are doing?”_

_“That’s not funny.”_

_“Sorry, I didn’t mean to be flippant. I want you. I want more of you. But if you changed your mind or if you’re not ready that’s ok.”_

_“No, Yes, I don’t know.”_

_“Ok. What do you want?”_

_“I want you. I do! Badly. But I think I need to talk about a few things first before jumping in. I’m sorry”_

He smiled, took my hand again and led me to the couch where we lay down, his back against the armrest, me between his legs resting against him. He kissed the top of my head.

_“Ok, I’m listening.”_

_“Hmmm… errr… It’s.. well..”_

_“Baby, it’s going to be harder to understand if you don’t use words.”_

Baby?? That was new. I smacked his leg and smiled.

_“Oh fuck. I don’t know why I’m so awkward. I like sex. I’d like to have sex with you. I’m usually not hesitant about it,”_ I sighed. “ _I keep thinking about being here only temporarily and how much I like you already and I hesitate.”_

_“Well, I’ve only dated one person, long-ish term, so I don’t really know what I’m doing.I’m figuring this as we go too. I like you a lot. I try not to think about the future because I don’t know how I will be able to handle long distance. I held back since you were not feeling well but seeing you dancing today … well,hmmm… it was really hot and I didn’t want to hide my *feelings* about.”_

Wait?? WHAT? Long distance? What does he mean? Does he want this to continue. What? And HOT?? When have I ever be told I was hot?? I was just doing some silly dancing, looking like a fool in my pjs. How is that hot? He should get his eyes examined. I look like a scarecrow at best. One of these dancing stick figures……. I must have been silent for a little too long, lost in my internal crazy monologue.

_“You’re freaking out aren’t you? I can feel the tension in your body.”_

_“Oh errr… no…”_ I lied. It was annoying how well he could read me already. _“I am thinking about what you said.”_

_“You’re such a liar!”_ He smiled. _“Yes, I talked about going long distance, get over it. I already told you I’m not a casual person. I don’t want a fling. It’s ok if things don’t end up working out but I’d like to try. What about you?”_

_“I guess, I’d like that too. I just worry about logistics.”_

I frowned and he kissed the top of my head

_“Try not to overthink it. Now that we established that we’re on the same page, why are you surprised I found you hot?”_

_“Because I’m not. Look at me. I’m skinny and gangly. I dance around like an idiot. Did you hit your head too? Because your eyes aren’t working properly.”_

_“Baby,I’m not sure who hurt your self confidence this badly but you need to know you are lovely. You’re tall and lean and I love your body against mine. You move well. You’re graceful and strong. It must come from your martial arts training. You are very attractive and sexy.”_

He kissed the top of my head again and hugged me. I had never heard such compliments. Hearing all this was mind blowing. I turned in his arms and reached for his mouth, gently rubbing the pad of my thumb on his lower lip. He eyes lit up and he gently sucked on my finger. Oy! I cupped his face to kiss him. Slowly, I slid my tongue in, feeling the tip of his. As he angled his head, he deepened the kiss, our tongues entwined. I slowly and playfully sucked on his.I kissed his bottom lip, nipping it lightly. He opened his eyes to look at me. Desire burning there. His hand moved behind my head, his thumb trailing the side of my throat, sending shivers down my spine. I could feel his erection against me. He look at me with intensity,

“ _I want to feel your skin against mine. Will you come to bed with me?”_

_“Oh yes, most definitely!”_

I stood up slowly so as not to get dizzy. I reached down for his hand and brought it to his lips, looking at me. He got up and stood in front of me, almost touching. He licked his lips and bit into the lower one. Oh the freaking tease!!! He reached out to grab the bottom of my shirt and waited looking at me for a moment, making sure I was ok. I lifted my arms up and he took it off. He bent down and started trailing kisses down my neck, as he reached my collar bone, he flicked it with his tongue. I shivered again and closed my eyes. He continued on his journey downward.

_“Your smile reaches all the way to your eyes and you face lit up when you’re excited. I love watching it, it turns me on,”_

kiss my pec,

_“You are so adorable when you get flustered, it makes me want to get you naked,”_

lick my nipple

“ _Your feistiness is foreplay, I can’t get enough,”_

then _s_ uck and nip. My breathing increases.

_“Seeing you dance gave me a hard on,”_

Tongue trailing down my stomach ending in a kiss just above my navel.  
It’s getting hard to breathe.

_“The more I know about you, the more I want you. I won’t always saying these words because my mouth might be busy,”_

He looked up and winked, the minx!!! 

_“But know that every kiss, every nip, every lick is me telling you all this.”_

WHAT!!! My knees felt like jelly. I didn’t have time to recover before he resumed kissing me. One of his fingers hooked into my waist band pulling it down a little. Can humans spontaneously combust? I sure was going to!! He stopped what he was doing and looked at me, fingers on the top button of my jeans. He started undoing it, slowly, never breaking eye contact. I couldn’t help a looking back with a teasing shalf smile.

_“You look so hot when you smile that crooked smile.”_

He slowly kept going, one button after another, still looking at me. When he was done, his hands slowly moved to my hips as he kissed my stomach. I was on fire. I reached down to touch his face and bring him back up to kiss him, my arms winding around his neck and my body pressing against his as if trying to melt into him. He reached around my ass, lifted me and wrapped my legs around his waist. As he walked towards the bed, he held onto me while I kissed him hungrily, almost whining from wanting more. The world slowly tilted on its axis. I cannot believe that still, at that moment, he remembered to move slowly and gently put me on the bed so I wouldn’t get dizzy. I let go of him to reach down and take his t-shirt off. He pushed himself up to make it easier. My hands moved over his shoulders, chest, stomach, and every inch they could reach, learning him. I started to undo his jeans, but he sat back on his knees and slowly undid them, looking at me, licking his lips. I almost came right then and there.

“ _You are so beautiful.”_ I told him.

He must have seen self-consciousness flash across my face because he stopped, bent back down. Holding himself up on one hand and cupping my face with the other he said,

_“You are also beautiful. The most beautiful and adorable man I have ever seen.”_

He brushed his lips against mine and rested his forehead on mine. For some reason I felt close to tears at the simplicity and beauty of this moment. Oh shit. I was not falling for him, I was down already, slammed to the ground. So deeply in love there was no way back.


End file.
